I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize