either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize