He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Damn victory sex feels great
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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