Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
