Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
