Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
