I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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