I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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