We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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