You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
