he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize