You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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