Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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