No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
