i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Naked. naked and bneed help.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
