One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
