My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
