my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
