She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
