Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
