We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
