I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish there were birth control emojis
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
