after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
