hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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