So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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