Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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