did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
