I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
