I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
