If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
