Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
