Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
