He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
