Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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