I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize
