ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
