That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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