Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
