thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I had your ass I would rule the world
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
