just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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