I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
