tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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