Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
