I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
