So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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