So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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