you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
