The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Found your dick twin last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
