I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
