As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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