he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish you could order shots online.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
