I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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