Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
