There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
