i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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