You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
