i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize