I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
