belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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