Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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