so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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