he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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