Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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