I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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