When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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