I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Welp...herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
