fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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