I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
