Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
