Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
