By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
