You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
