my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
did i just pee glitter
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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