I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
