Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
