Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
