sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
