so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
